An honest and open post about my recent struggles....

I'm going to be very honest with you now, I've had a crappy few months and I have tried to keep going but I have lost my mojo. It's up and left and taken my creativity, writing ability and general get up and go with it.  We all have times like this and sometimes it's best to power through or change the routine to inspire and mix it up a bit.  This has not helped me and I'm going to tell you why in a very open and honest post.

I have battled with mental illness for most of my life and I normally keep it under control and under wraps, some of my friends and family don't know.  Not because I have intentionally kept it from them but it's not my opening line when I meet someone, "Hi, my name is Fiona I suffer with OCD, depression and anxiety, nice to meet you!" can you imagine?! I don't let it define who I am so I don't mention it unless it's relevant to a conversation. In my teenage years when it started there was such a stigma so I kept my difficulties quiet and when I was working I kept it private as I didn't want it to affect my career prospects but now I feel more comfortable to be open, it also helps me too to be open.

Recently the depression has taken hold of me which affects my OCD symptons.  I recognise things have taken a turn for the worse so I have sought professional help. Creating and making things used to be my distraction and saviour but it just doesn't cut it any more, sadly. To be honest nothing gives me joy. I'm doing what I can when I can so it means my business is suffering and I am not achieving the goals I have set. My writing for this blog is becoming sporadic which I also didn't want, it gives me more of a reason to beat myself up!

I know I have an emotional few months ahead whilst I go through CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) again. It won't be easy but I have to keep positive that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel once I get through the hard work.  I am very lucky that I have a supportive husband and great family and friends around me.  Whilst I focus on my mental health, I may find it difficult to post regularly and update my shop with new products. I want to get well and be able to get ready for the busy Christmas period and start 2017 a happier and healthier me.

I also thought this was important to share because I know there are millions like me out there and I want you to know that you are not alone.  You can still achieve things in your life but you just have to know when you need to get a little bit of help and don't be ashamed to ask. If you are suffering please don't do it alone, speak to family or friends if you can but please, please go and speak to your doctor. I may be going through a difficult time but I'm feeling positive that I will survive and will be back to my usual self.

Life's a journey and sometimes there are pot holes in the road along the way but they can be fixed.

fizzi~jayne x

a life update....

It's been a while since my last post so I thought I would give you an update on what has been going on behind the scenes.  Part of the reason for my lack of updates on here has been to do with being struck down by winter bugs, nothing too serious but I started with one bug which made me no good for anything other than wrapping up in the duvet and feeling sorry for myself and then as soon as I got over that I got struck down again! Hopefully that is me done with the winter bugs for this year at least! The upside was I got to watch the first two seasons of Homeland!

Thankfully I was well enough to celebrate my birthday and I went to see one of my favourite bands, Garbage and they were amazing, I had the best birthday. It was their 20 year anniversary tour, which makes me feel old as I saw them live on their very first tour! 

I've spent the rest of the time (when I've not been ill) keeping on top of orders, as well as making stock for No3 and the craft fairs I have booked. Unfortunately I had to drop out of the Little Fox Market this month due to illness which I was gutted about but I will be back there again before Christmas. I couldn't have picked a busier month to be out of action. I was well enough to do the two other craft fairs that I had booked for November and I got into the festive spirit with a range of Christmas decorations which have been popular.

My Stall at the Royston Craft Fair

My stall at the Radlett Winter Fair

Whilst I have been catching up there are a lot of things that are on my to do list that haven't happened, like keeping on top of my plans for this blog and keeping my online shop up to date. I started to beat myself up about this but there is not much I can do, I'm a one woman band. So once I stopped feeling sorry for myself, I started to plan 2016 whilst wrapped up in the duvet. Thinking about next year made me feel more positive and excited about what I have planned, but more about that in the new year! I hope in the meantime you won't be too upset with me if I'm a little sporadic on here until the end of the year whilst I get back on track with everything but I hope that normal service will resume soon.

Until the next time, I thought I would leave you with a bit of fun.  You may have seen the latest tag game on Facebook - 7 favourite songs over 7 days. A friend of mine nominated me to do this. Music is always playing in the craft den whilst I work and I love going to live gigs so I thought it would be fun to share my favourite songs with you as well....

Day 1 - Vow by Garage

As I went to see Garbage live recently, for day 1 I picked my favourite song from their first album....

Day 2 - Best of You, Foo Fighters

My favourite song by another awesome band who I've seen live more times than I can remember... (I love to rock!)

Day 3 - Great Things, Echobelly

Today's favourite was some motivation to do Great Things....

This is another band I saw live back in the 90s

Day 4 - Things Can Only Get Better, D:Ream

By this point I was in my sick bed so to cheer myself up here is my 4th song....

Day 5 - Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol.

This was our first dance at our wedding....

I've seen these live too in the amazing venue of the Royal Albert Hall.

Day 6 - Two More Years, Bloc Party

It would have been our first dance had it not been about getting over a break up!

I've not seen them live but would like to.

Day 7 - Keep the Faith, Bon Jovi

For my final song I have chosen a great anthem by Bon Jovi. This was the first album of theirs I bought many years ago and I have seen them live so many times since then!

I hope you have enjoyed this little insight into what I listen to in the craft den, what are your favourite songs?

fizzi~jayne x

I ran 10km!....

Last weekend was a Bank Holiday in the UK and usually I would be in my craft den but if you follow me on Instagram and Twitter you will already know I ran the Bupa London 10km on Monday!

All smiles before the start

The race starts on The Mall and finishes opposite Buckingham Palace. 

Buckingham Palace before the start

The route took us around many of London’s famous sights including Admiralty Arch, Nelson’s Column, St Paul’s Cathedral, Mansion House, the Bank of England, the Old Bailey, Somerset House, Big Ben, the Houses of Parliament and Westminster Abbey. I would like to say I took it all in but my focus was to get around the course!

Just before 2km

Just after 7km

I'm pleased I ran the entire route in 1 hour, 16 minutes and 42 seconds. It was a great atmosphere, I wish I could thank all the supporters and marshals cheering us on, it really helps to get you round.

I ran the event to raise money for the Stroke Association in memory of my Nan. I have been blown away by the support I have received, at the time of writing this I raised £315.  Thank you!! 

10km done! I'm very pleased with my medal

Thank you to my hubby for being my cheerleader and taking these photos.

fizzi~jayne x

Autumn and apples....

I love this time of year, I think it might be my favourite season. I love the colours on the changing leaves of the trees, I get to wear my winter boots and dig out my jumpers Ooo and wear a scarf, my essential accessory. 

In our village every October we have an Apple Day. The local park has an orchard and after every harvest they celebrate by selling the apples along with stalls selling apple related products as well as local produce.  It's a popular local and family event but for some reason we have never been in the 6 years we have lived here! It has clashed with craft fairs or weekends away but this year we were at home and the sun was shining so a perfect day to walk down to the park with my camera.

The event takes place in the Walled Garden

I took pictures of lots of trees changing colours for colour inspiration

and there was apple cake yummy!

we walked back home along the field and these are the fields out of the back of our house

Our purchases from the Apple Day

The day inspired me to cook Apple Crumble! Crumble is my favourite and it is how I got my Girl Guides cook badge! However, I haven't cooked it for ... well probably since I did my cook badge! 

I sort of remembered how to make it so referred to two recipes and then did my own thing.

Ta dah!

and made far too much!

I was so impressed with it, (even if I do say so myself) but especially considering I am not a cook.  My hubby is the chef in the household and he said it was "the best crumble he has ever had!" it was a winner and I have plenty left! 

fizzi~jayne x

Photography season ~ My love of photography....

My old film camera and new digital camera, taken with my iPhone.

If you sell products online or have photos on your blog you will know how important it is to have professional looking photos but we can't all afford a professional photographer. 

To help, I have some exciting blog posts coming up offering hints and tips to take a great pic!  I have a couple of book reviews planned and a guest post from a photographer giving professional tips.  I am also having a guest slot on Frugally Peachy showing you how to make a light box and we are having a #CraftBlogClub Twitter chat on 29th July dedicated to photography. Exciting hey?!

coming up on this blog ~ book reviews.....

But to kick off this photography season I thought I would tell you about my love of photography....

My Mum first got me interested in photography, she took a course at college when I was young and when we went on family trips out she would take her camera.  When I went to art college I had the opportunity to take a course, this was back in the day of film and a dark room.  At this time, I possibly enjoyed the processing more than taking the photos, it was like magic how the image appeared!

My old camera that I learnt with. Although it takes film and I will never use it again, I can't throw it away!

My Digital SLR

I invested in a Digital SLR last year and fell in love with photography all over again.  I went on a photography course via Groupon, to refresh the memory of the basics.  It was in London and we took pictures and tried out different camera settings around the Southbank. I learnt to do this....



Motion blur whilst keeping the background in focus

Keeping the horse in focus while it's moving

The principle of shutter speed and aperture are the same but there are new features on a digital camera to learn.

With my passion reignited, I take my camera wherever possible and practice with different settings and lighting. Flowers and portraits are great for depth of field

Sometimes it is not convenient to carry a large DSLR or an unexpected photo opportunity presents itself when I'm not prepared.  Thankfully camera phones are great for taking snaps on the go and Instagram is my favourite app.

As I take a lot of pics I started my month in pics on the blog and I hope you have been enjoying these posts.

At first I found product photography frustrating, I couldn't get the lighting right and do my products justice. It can also seem a big job as I have to set up and pack up. (When I win the Lottery not only will I have a craft wing but I will also have a photo studio, I can dream!)  However, now I plan it as part of the creative process and allow time to play and get the image right, I am enjoying it far more now.

I am trying new things and learning new techniques all the time.  I have also read more of my camera's handbook.  I'm not great for instructions, they are boring right?!, when I bought the camera I read enough to get me started but once I went back to read the rest I found so many hints and tips that have helped me take a better picture.

What I use....

• Camera ~ Canon EOS 600D
• (Update) My conservatory used to be my photo studio but I struggled with the lighting. I now take photos in the bay window in our bedroom using a net curtain to diffuse the light.
• (Update) Tripod and remote shutter. I was advised to get these to eliminate shake and have sharp images. It does help but if I can't use a tripod due to the angle of shot or I don't have the space, I don't go below a shutter speed of 1/50 as I know I can keep the camera steady at this speed.
• Natural light or natural light bulbs.
• Reflector ~ This reflects the light to avoid dark shadows. These are relatively inexpensive, I got mine for around £10. 
• (Update) I used to use lining wallpaper for a background.  Now I use a mix of white mount board and a wooden pallet which I painted with white chalk paint. For my products I want a plain white background but not bright white, the wooden pallet adds texture and interest to my lifestyle shots.
• I did use a light tent but I didn't get on with it, but they are supposed to be helpful for product potography.

Here are the top things I have learned about taking a good snap....

• Read your camera manual. I wouldn't do it all at once as it would be information overload but I wouldn't leave it a year before you pick it up again, like me!
• Never use a flash, it bleaches the colour. Instead increase ISO and use a slower shutter speed.
• Practice on topics you enjoy, whether it's portraits or landscapes
• Make time and plan for photography as part of the creative process
• Get as much of the image right at shoot, don't rely on post production.  Too much editing will not represent the item as well.

I hope you will enjoy the photography posts coming up and I'd love to hear your photography hints, tips and experiences so please leave your comments....

Pssst.... I have a Pinterest board for photography hints, tips and tutorials which you can check out here and you can also follow me on Instagram.