Thursday, 19 May 2016

An honest and open post about my recent struggles....

I'm going to be very honest with you now, I've had a crappy few months and I have tried to keep going but I have lost my mojo. It's up and left and taken my creativity, writing ability and general get up and go with it.  We all have times like this and sometimes it's best to power through or change the routine to inspire and mix it up a bit.  This has not helped me and I'm going to tell you why in a very open and honest post.

I have battled with mental illness for most of my life and I normally keep it under control and under wraps, some of my friends and family don't know.  Not because I have intentionally kept it from them but it's not my opening line when I meet someone, "Hi, my name is Fiona I suffer with OCD, depression and anxiety, nice to meet you!" can you imagine?! I don't let it define who I am so I don't mention it unless it's relevant to a conversation. In my teenage years when it started there was such a stigma so I kept my difficulties quiet and when I was working I kept it private as I didn't want it to affect my career prospects but now I feel more comfortable to be open, it also helps me too to be open.

Recently the depression has taken hold of me which affects my OCD symptons.  I recognise things have taken a turn for the worse so I have sought professional help. Creating and making things used to be my distraction and saviour but it just doesn't cut it any more, sadly. To be honest nothing gives me joy. I'm doing what I can when I can so it means my business is suffering and I am not achieving the goals I have set. My writing for this blog is becoming sporadic which I also didn't want, it gives me more of a reason to beat myself up!

I know I have an emotional few months ahead whilst I go through CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) again. It won't be easy but I have to keep positive that there will be a light at the end of the tunnel once I get through the hard work.  I am very lucky that I have a supportive husband and great family and friends around me.  Whilst I focus on my mental health, I may find it difficult to post regularly and update my shop with new products. I want to get well and be able to get ready for the busy Christmas period and start 2017 a happier and healthier me.

I also thought this was important to share because I know there are millions like me out there and I want you to know that you are not alone.  You can still achieve things in your life but you just have to know when you need to get a little bit of help and don't be ashamed to ask. If you are suffering please don't do it alone, speak to family or friends if you can but please, please go and speak to your doctor. I may be going through a difficult time but I'm feeling positive that I will survive and will be back to my usual self.

Life's a journey and sometimes there are pot holes in the road along the way but they can be fixed.

fizzi~jayne x